The time leading up to my session with Mel was full of ups and downs. The ups were fitting into clothes I hadn't fit into since before becoming pregnant with the twins. The lows were letting negativity sneak in and allowing it to question where someone who looked like me found the audacity to think I deserved to be doing something like this. The week of the shoot was particularly hard because I still didn't look like what I thought I had to look like to model for boudoir photography. My worst fear was that all the makeup and sexy lingerie, or even someone as talented as Mel couldn't create a photo I could be proud of.
The day of my session, I arrived with wardrobe in hand, pounding heart in my chest. Mel made me feel comfortable almost immediately, settling me into her wardrobe room and getting me prepped for hair and makeup. We chatted and laughed, and she made me feel worthy of such an incredible experience.
Then when we started the session, she posed me and suggested outfits to wear, and I started feeling more confident. When she showed me photos she had just taken, I was in awe. That was me? I looked sexy! She drew out a confidence that I didn't even know I had. Somehow, I lit up. I was sultry and sexy and happy and radiant, and I had never been more happy to have taken a chance and done something bold.
Ultimately, I don't know exactly what I expected to walk away from this session with, but I know that what happened was unexpected. In the time leading up to the session and the time in front of the camera, I began to feel revived, like I was worth more than what I give myself credit for. I started taking care of myself and I liked it. I am beginning to feel a sense of self worth and pride, and I like that too. I still know I'm not skinny, tall, or the sexiest woman I know. But I am kind, selfless, and loving, and those things make me beautiful. I will try harder to love myself for who I am and I will let others love me too, because I deserve that.